Men deserve better, too
Everyone vs patriarchy - a perspective from the Powrsuit team.
When Natalie Ferguson and Kristen Lunman started Powrsuit, the most common question was, “What about the men?” This past International Men’s Day, they wanted to share their loud, proud answer: when it comes to gender equality, we’re all equally important. We liked it so much we wanted to share.
We exist in a world that was designed before any of us were born. None of us created the system of patriarchy. We didn’t decide women stayed at home while men went to work. We didn’t decide women were caring and men were strong. We didn’t build the social structures that give men power.
Got you on that last one, didn’t we? That level of control may sound like a sweet deal for half of us. While there certainly are perks, there are some pretty major pitfalls, too.
Men vs women Everyone vs patriarchy
Too often, gender equality is seen as a win-lose: For women to get what they deserve, men have to sacrifice. That’s absolutely untrue.
A system where we’re all expected to conform to gender roles is a system that serves none of us. That’s why, when we talk about ‘equality of opportunity’, we mean for everyone. Because while the term ‘patriarchy’ might feel full Kenergy, in the real world, it’s not all mojo dojo casa houses.
We want to take this opportunity to recognise our fabulous allies (yes, a terrible term – suggest a better one!!) by spotlighting just three of the ways the patriarchy is leading to poor outcomes for men. Gender equality isn’t about pitting us against each other; it’s about banding together to design a fairer, better world.
Mental health
Globally, men are more than three times as likely as women to die by suicide. It’s one of the top killers of young men, but age isn’t a solution. Tragically, suicides among men increase as they get older.
Research from the UK supports what many of us have witnessed: while three-quarters of men have experienced common mental health symptoms (anxiety, depression, stress), 40% of them have never spoken to anyone about it.
Because men are less likely to seek support for mental health issues, they suffer in silence. Silence is an accurate label because our gendered expectations of emotions make it less acceptable for men to identify and express theirs.
The mental health stats are heartbreaking, and men deserve better.
Agents of change:
Inner Boy: Helping men heal from the impacts of intergenerational trauma and abuse. Powered by She is Not Your Rehab – we love their Masculinity Monday posts.
Bros Global: Information on support for men’s mental health in over 85 countries – including apps and podcasts.
Movember: Focus on three of the biggest health issues affecting men: mental health and suicide prevention, prostate cancer and testicular cancer.
Parenting
The way we work was designed when one parent stayed at home, and the other went to the office. That world has moved on, but the world of work? Not so much.
Social structures around parenting embed the expectation that it’s women doing the doing. Want to access a change table in public toilets? Good luck if you’re in the men’s. Want to join a father’s group? They largely exist in the realm of dramedies.
This year in New Zealand, we saw record numbers of men taking the full parental leave allowance. Four hundred men represented a 400% increase over the last decade. That number was dwarfed by 50,598 women who did the same.
The change shows willingness; the numbers show barriers. And while our island nation isn’t an anomaly, there’s one country doing it well: Sweden. In 1974, the 4th happiest place on earth (fifth, if you count Disneyland) introduced 180 days of state-funded non-gender-specific parental leave. The rest of us could learn a lot from the results.
We’re all for parents making the best decision for their situation, but it shouldn’t be this hard for fathers to father. We want to live in a world where daddy daycare is replaced with parenting parity.
Agents of change:
DAD: The untold stories of fatherhood, love, mental health & masculinity (Book)
DadSpace: Supporting Australian Fathers Through the Transition to Parenthood
Fatherhood Institute: A UK charity that prepares and supports men to be involved fathers and caregivers.
Finances
The term “Patriarchy” literally means “rule of the father”. As the Head of the House, it’s traditionally been the man’s job to be the breadwinner. And traditions run deep.
We know this because we started an investing platform, and the vast majority of sign-ups were men. Women might now be visible at every level of the workforce, but finances and manhood are still psychologically linked.
While we can all feel financial strain, the pressure impacts men more. When you are socialised to associate providing with success, financial hardship can slam your sense of identity. In our most recent Allies interview, Abinesh Krishan shared a story of bumping into a man in crisis. This man had lost his job 6 months before. Too ashamed to share the news with his family, he had been pretending to work ever since. The money was all gone, as was any hope – it was only a chance encounter that got between him and the bottom of a bridge.
Equality means we all share responsibility for family finances – because money does not make a man.
Agents of change:
Powrsuit: Become an ally member to hear from change-makers like Alex Egeler, who left a career as an Aerospace Executive to become a primary parent.
Headsup Guys: A men’s guide to talk therapy.
BetterHelp: Online talk therapy.
We’re in this together
Equality isn’t a battle of the sexes; it’s combining forces. Change may be messy and hard, but what if it all works out? We’d like to see that world.